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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Trusting God

Psalm 57:3

"He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me;  God sends his love and his faithfulness."

Little by little, God is teaching me to hear His voice.  In the past, he has needed to yell at me for me to hear.  I have been walking through a "valley" in my marriage this year.  Things are getting brighter and better as I learn to depend on God.  But my flesh is weak.  I was struggling with trusting my husband.  I *thought* that he was lying to me.  However, I decided to turn to God with my negative feelings.  And, he chose to send me this verse.  Praise God!

Monday, September 17, 2012

What a difference a week makes

I didn't blog all last week.  It was just one of THOSE weeks.  My youngest son is somewhere on the autism spectrum and had an epic meltdown at school.  He goes to private school and they had a meeting of the board to decide if he could stay.  He was given 3 days of OSS and two days of ISS.  And he had to write a letter stating what he plans on contributing to the community, etc.

I was feeling very resentful toward my husband.  At least I have gotten to the point where I recognized that the problem was ME.  I was laying the tablecloth and matching napkins, fixing some fancy smancy food for my pity party.  But the Holy Spirit was telling me that I needed to be filled up by God.

My husband has been out of work almost six months.  It has been difficult emotionally and financially.  I chose to seek God's guidance and not the world's.  So, when he he had an interview on Friday, I asked if I could pray for him.  I find that I am not the best prayer warrior, but I like to pray scripture back to God.  One of the things that happens is that doing this changes my attitude and perspective.  Stormie Omartin says "One of the secrets of experiencing the power of praise is to make a decision that you will worship God no matter what your circumstances."

So, I fixed my eyes on the One who made everything....

Because I was patient and didn't try to meddle and fix stuff and just trusted that I was on the step that I needed to be on, God answered my prayers.  He brought my husband a job!!!

Really...  It isn't the pay, although that will be an enormous help.  It is giving my husband a focus for his day and the understanding that I prayed for God to open the door and it was.

How cool.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Getting beyond the past

It is really difficult to be remarried.  I don't think that we deal so much with sexual baggage from our previous marriage (s) but with the emotional fallout.  My husband was cheated on and so he has enormous trust issues.  I understood this and was "ok" with it for the first years we were together.  I would call him when I left the office, let him know if I had lunch with another person or group of people no matter the gender, made sure that if I went somewhere without him, he knew who was going to be there.  But frankly, it got exhausting.  After living and sleeping with me for years, I didn't understand why I had to continue to "check in".  My character is nothing like hers.  And then, I got resentful.  I checked out.  It almost wrecked my marriage.  Thanks be to God, my husband was willing to fight for me.

I have a bad history of listening to God.  He tends to have to shout at me.  Well... I heard from him this spring.  He told me I had to go back to my marriage.  It was the clearest I have ever heard the Voice of God.  I wept for an hour or more.  I wept because I knew that I was the problem.  I wept because I had sought convenience over commitment.  God showed me that an earthly husband will almost always disappoint but my heavenly husband will never EVER let me down.  I don't have to love my husband every day, but if I love God then HE will love my husband for me.  Even if he uses the last bit of toilet paper.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Cooking day

I am spending my Labor Day in the kitchen!  I am working on a gluten free lasagna for supper.  It has roasted eggplant and zucchini and potatoes for the "noodles".

Additionally, I am going to make myself some quinoa today.  I am mostly following a recipe from Food Network but originally may have come from Talley's Green Grocer.  The particulars are:

2 c quinoa
4 c water
1 tsp salt
2 T olive oil
1/2 c artichoke hearts
1/4 c olives
1 c grape tomato halved
1/2 c goat cheese (I bought olive flavored from Trader Joe's)

This evening, I am taking dinner to my pastor and his wife as they just moved.  I am really looking forward to my day in the kitchen.