An odd week

This has been an odd week.

Friday, the 14th was my anniversary with my first husband.  So, I texted him and wished him a "happy not anniversary" which he seemed to appreciate.  I am incredibly happy that I prayed for him during our divorce as we can be kind to each other now.  I think that only comes through the grace of God.  A friend is walking through a valley called CANCER and it is breaking my heart.  I have poured my love into some homemade spaghetti sauce for the family and continue to ask for the Great Physician to hold the family in the palm of His hand.

Then, tragedy struck.

One of my dear work friends son works as a police officer locally and was shot in the head on Monday and died early Tuesday morning.  He was 24.  My friend was so happy because her son had gotten the job he always wanted but at the same time, she was scared about his physical safety.  As much as I am broken hearted, good will and has come from this.

My older son lives with his dad (see first paragraph), so I sent son a text telling him that I loved him and was hugging him from an hour away.  I hugged my stepson and my younger son and my husband.  I made a point to tell them that I loved them.  I called my sister in-law to tell her that I love her and want to spend time with her.  The bonds of family are too easy to fray with the stress of work and busy-ness.

Lastly, it is Advent and I am waiting in peace for the coming of my Savior.  This is my favorite time of the year.  I don't care if Jesus may not have been born in December.  He was born.  He did die.  He rose again in victory over my sin.  That is what is important.

I have learned to be a better listener to God this year.  I am learning that it is ok for me to have a voice.  I have found ways to improve myself and my marriage.  My husband works second shift and it has been difficult, but I have consistently made an effort to have "lunch" with him almost every day.  It has made a trying schedule much easier to tolerate.

Feeding my soul

So, I got in a mood this weekend to create some yummy stuff to eat this week.  Made everything gluten-free just in case!  I made some crackers from the new issue of Living Without.  The main ingredient was aramath flour which I have never used before.  The end result tasted like cheese straws that my granny used to make.  Yum!

Today's creation was a granola with quinoa.  The original recipe called for maple syrup but I wanted to keep it sugar free, so I used a little bit of agave syrup and sugar free pancake syrup.  I am waiting for the granola to cool but it looks yummy.  The recipe called for applesauce and I used a mixed berry flavor, so the granola is reddish.

Looking forward to some good treats this week!

Trusting God

Psalm 57:3

"He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me;  God sends his love and his faithfulness."

Little by little, God is teaching me to hear His voice.  In the past, he has needed to yell at me for me to hear.  I have been walking through a "valley" in my marriage this year.  Things are getting brighter and better as I learn to depend on God.  But my flesh is weak.  I was struggling with trusting my husband.  I *thought* that he was lying to me.  However, I decided to turn to God with my negative feelings.  And, he chose to send me this verse.  Praise God!

What a difference a week makes

I didn't blog all last week.  It was just one of THOSE weeks.  My youngest son is somewhere on the autism spectrum and had an epic meltdown at school.  He goes to private school and they had a meeting of the board to decide if he could stay.  He was given 3 days of OSS and two days of ISS.  And he had to write a letter stating what he plans on contributing to the community, etc.

I was feeling very resentful toward my husband.  At least I have gotten to the point where I recognized that the problem was ME.  I was laying the tablecloth and matching napkins, fixing some fancy smancy food for my pity party.  But the Holy Spirit was telling me that I needed to be filled up by God.

My husband has been out of work almost six months.  It has been difficult emotionally and financially.  I chose to seek God's guidance and not the world's.  So, when he he had an interview on Friday, I asked if I could pray for him.  I find that I am not the best prayer warrior, but I like to pray scripture back to God.  One of the things that happens is that doing this changes my attitude and perspective.  Stormie Omartin says "One of the secrets of experiencing the power of praise is to make a decision that you will worship God no matter what your circumstances."

So, I fixed my eyes on the One who made everything....

Because I was patient and didn't try to meddle and fix stuff and just trusted that I was on the step that I needed to be on, God answered my prayers.  He brought my husband a job!!!

Really...  It isn't the pay, although that will be an enormous help.  It is giving my husband a focus for his day and the understanding that I prayed for God to open the door and it was.

How cool.

Getting beyond the past

It is really difficult to be remarried.  I don't think that we deal so much with sexual baggage from our previous marriage (s) but with the emotional fallout.  My husband was cheated on and so he has enormous trust issues.  I understood this and was "ok" with it for the first years we were together.  I would call him when I left the office, let him know if I had lunch with another person or group of people no matter the gender, made sure that if I went somewhere without him, he knew who was going to be there.  But frankly, it got exhausting.  After living and sleeping with me for years, I didn't understand why I had to continue to "check in".  My character is nothing like hers.  And then, I got resentful.  I checked out.  It almost wrecked my marriage.  Thanks be to God, my husband was willing to fight for me.

I have a bad history of listening to God.  He tends to have to shout at me.  Well... I heard from him this spring.  He told me I had to go back to my marriage.  It was the clearest I have ever heard the Voice of God.  I wept for an hour or more.  I wept because I knew that I was the problem.  I wept because I had sought convenience over commitment.  God showed me that an earthly husband will almost always disappoint but my heavenly husband will never EVER let me down.  I don't have to love my husband every day, but if I love God then HE will love my husband for me.  Even if he uses the last bit of toilet paper.

Cooking day

I am spending my Labor Day in the kitchen!  I am working on a gluten free lasagna for supper.  It has roasted eggplant and zucchini and potatoes for the "noodles".

Additionally, I am going to make myself some quinoa today.  I am mostly following a recipe from Food Network but originally may have come from Talley's Green Grocer.  The particulars are:

2 c quinoa
4 c water
1 tsp salt
2 T olive oil
1/2 c artichoke hearts
1/4 c olives
kale
1 c grape tomato halved
1/2 c goat cheese (I bought olive flavored from Trader Joe's)

This evening, I am taking dinner to my pastor and his wife as they just moved.  I am really looking forward to my day in the kitchen.

Happy THursday!

Well, I spoke to my doctor today and my blood work is improving.  My cholestrol is down where it should be down and up where it should be up.  My fasting blood sugar was normal.  My A1C had gone down one decimal point.  So that isn't fabulous but it is definitely a step in the right direction.  I am so thrilled.  Now I want to search out some more fiber dense foods as that seems to be making a positive impact.  Hopefully, the weight will come off ~

Musings

As a mom to teens, life is never dull.  My husband is out of work but doing some side stuff.  Recently, God has given me peace with our financial situation.  I have begun to coupon.  I went to the grocery store yesterday and had $40 worth of savings!  I purchased several boxes of Fiber One bars to keep at my desk at the office.  Hopefully, having something sweet with a reasonable amount of calories will help.  I know that these bars have sugar but the fiber offsets it (somehow).

Today, I had a good day with food.  Resisted the temptation for unhealthy snacks.  I didn't even have a diet soda!

Carroll

Discernment dilemma

My husband left his job in March.  I am a worrier.  These are not good combinations.  Our marriage had been going through a valley.  But...

God is good.

So things have begun to get better because we have looked to Him to fix things instead of each other.  We have both given up things that we want so that we can have what we need.  The latest is my husband's ATV.  So it sat in our garage in the suburbs of Atlanta and he would take it out and ride around the cul-de-sac to make sure the battery stayed charged.  We don't have a way to get it to the woods where it would used to its purpose.  So he sold it.  Three times.  And, so, we were able to pay our property tax bill for 2012.

What is God teaching me?  Am I supposed to be learning to be content with what I have?  What is my task now?  Is the Lord asking that I let go of whether my husband works or doesn't?  So...this is where I am today.  Trying to hear the Spirit.

It has been a little while.  Yesterday, I fixed some black bean burgers to take to work as a snack.  They should be relatively healthy.  2 cans of black beans (1 puree'd with an egg), 1/4 c salsa, chili powder, cumin, chopped onion and red bell pepper, some chipotle Mrs Dash and 1/2 c corn meal.  So....ta da... gluten free also!  I will let you know how they taste, but lots of fiber and protein.

Medicine

I have been prescribed medicine by my doctor.  I have to take it before dinner.  One day I took it about an hour beforehand.  That really didn't work.  The problem is remembering to take it closer to to eating.  Today, I forgot and took it AFTER dinner.  Hopefully, it will still "work".  I felt good today.  I have a broccoli slaw with dried cranberries.  I have had two good sized portions today.  Dinner was burgers made from venison.  Maybe tomorrow, I can get some exercise.

Fatigue

So, I had a really nice day on Thursday.  Went to a pool party to celebrate my son's end of the school year.  Packed my own lunch so that I wouldn't eat junk.  But I got home about 4 and was so tired.  Asked my husband to wake me up after an hour.  He woke me up at 6:30.  And I didn't have any problems sleeping last night.  Therefore, I googled my symptoms and found this article: http://www.all4naturalhealth.com/diabetes-fatigue.html .

My journey

Monday evening, I discovered that I have diabetes.  The really frustrating part is that I felt like I was pretty aware and careful.  I wasn't given a lot of information about what to do so please journey with me as I figure all of this out.

A little bit about me.  I am a Christian.  I am a mother to three boys.  I have a family history of diabetes, so it is something that always been on my radar.